06 Aug From Far Away, My Uncle Kao Keeps Our Family Close

The author’s Uncle Kao. (Courtesy of Anthony Escobar)

Commentary, Anthony Escobar

Most people think distance makes families drift apart, but my Uncle Kao is still a big presence in my family despite living thousands of miles away. Even though he lives in Texas while the rest of us are in California, he keeps us close and connected. As the eldest brother, a son, an uncle, and recently a grandpa, he is always looking out for everyone and making sure we stay together.

Uncle Kao checks in on us often. He calls and texts to see how we are doing and keeps up with what is happening in our lives. Whenever he calls my mom, he always asks to talk to me and my brother individually. This shows that he cares about each of us personally. He is always in contact with my mom, other uncles, and aunties, so he is never out of the loop, no matter how far away he is.

What makes my uncle stand out is how much he truly cares about family. He wants to see us succeed and is quick to celebrate our achievements, big or small. On our calls, he always asks about school and my plans for the future, and he never forgets to remind me how much he and my grandparents love us. He also gives great advice.

One piece of advice I remember him sharing is, “School is good and all, but there are also things besides school.” At first, I didn’t fully understand what he meant, but as I grew older, I realized school is just one part of life and there are many other important things to focus on as well.

He also tries his best to be present for important moments, even if it means traveling far. When my cousin and I graduated from high school, my uncle wanted to make sure he could celebrate with us. He asked my mom and my auntie if they could plan my graduation party and my cousin’s party close together, so he could attend both. Flying from Texas takes time and money, but he made the trip because family is that important to him. He still comes to California about twice a year, even if there isn’t a big event. Whenever he visits, he’s always involved and active with everyone. He loves catching up, having conversations with each of us, and making sure no one feels left out.

I know he also talks individually with my cousins whenever he can. Whenever I’ve spoken with them, they never had any problems with Uncle Kao because he is always looking out for us and supporting us. He also cares a lot about my grandparents, and when he’s here, he spends a lot of time with them, helping out however he can.

My uncle’s support goes beyond just words. I remember once he offered to help pay for a gift I needed. When I told him I’d pay him back, he replied, “You don’t have to pay me back. Just take care of yourself and do good. When your family needs help, just help them out. Especially Grandma and Grandpa.” He always reminds us, “I love y’all” or “I miss y’all,” and it means a lot to hear that, even from far away.

Through his example, I have learned the value of staying connected and being present for family, even from a distance. Uncle Kao’s steady support and care have taught me that you do not have to live nearby to be the rock of a family. Because of my uncle, I’ve started having more real conversations with family and friends. Just recently, I found myself asking one of my close friends about his future, hoping to help him figure things out just like my uncle does with me. Even though no one’s pointed it out or thanked me, I know these moments help us stay close, and that’s something I plan to keep doing.

I hope to carry on my uncle’s example by staying connected with my family and being there for them, no matter where life takes me.